4 years old: Managing Toddler Tantrums & Anger | daar

Jackson (Name changed for privacy) is a spirited and affectionate toddler who lives with his parents and newborn sister. He has always been "strong-willed," but the arrival of his sibling coincided with a dramatic escalation in his behaviour.

Presenting Issues:

• Intense Tantrums: Daily meltdowns lasting up to 45 minutes, often triggered by minor frustrations (e.g., toast cut the wrong way, being told "no").
• Physical Aggression: Hitting and biting his parents when dysregulated.
• Sleep Disruption: Refusal to go to bed, leading to exhausted parents and a tired, irritable child.

The Challenge

Jackson’s parents were exhausted. The joy of their new baby was overshadowed by the constant fear of Jackson’s next explosion. They felt like they were "walking on eggshells" in their own home.

Impact at Home & School:

• At Home: The household was in a state of constant high alert. Jackson’s mother reported feeling guilty that she couldn't enjoy her time with the newborn because she was constantly managing Jackson’s anger.
• At Childcare: While generally well-behaved, Jackson had started to push other children when they came too close, leading to incident reports and concerns from educators.
• Development: Jackson’s inability to regulate his emotions was hindering his social development and causing significant stress for the entire family unit.

We thought we had tried everything. But learning to 'co-regulate' instead of just disciplining him changed everything. We stopped fighting the tantrums and started helping him through them. The change in our home is unbelievable.

daar Therapy Approach

Jackson’s family reached out to daar for support. Our team recognized that Jackson wasn't just "acting out"—he was struggling to cope with big changes and big feelings. We implemented a positive behaviour support plan focused on co-regulation and connection.

Key Interventions Implemented:

• The "HALT" Strategy: We taught Jackson’s parents to pause before reacting and check: Is he Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired? Addressing these physical needs often stopped the meltdown before it started.
• "Time-In" vs. "Time-Out": Instead of sending Jackson to his room (which increased his feelings of isolation and jealousy of the baby), parents used "Time-Ins." They would sit near him during a meltdown, offering a calm presence until the storm passed.
• Emotion Coaching: We introduced the concept of "Name it to Tame it." Parents began narrating Jackson’s feelings: "You are so mad that the tower fell down. That is really frustrating."
• Socialised Behaviour Therapy: We used play-based sessions to teach Jackson safe ways to express anger, such as stomping his feet or squeezing a stress ball, rather than hitting.
• Special Time: To address the jealousy, we scheduled 10 minutes of uninterrupted "Jackson Time" every day with each parent, filling his "connection cup."

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Results and Progress

Over a period of three months, the shift from reactive punishment to proactive connection transformed Jackson’s behaviour.

Measurable Improvements:

• Reduction in Tantrums: Meltdowns decreased from 3-4 times a day to once or twice a week, and the duration dropped from 45 minutes to under 10 minutes.
• Elimination of Aggression: Hitting and biting have completely stopped. Jackson now uses his words or his "angry stomp" to express frustration.
• Improved Sleep: With a consistent, connection-focused bedtime routine, Jackson now settles to sleep within 20 minutes.
• Sibling Bonding: Jackson has started to show affection towards his baby sister, bringing her toys and wanting to "help."

Key Outcomes

Jackson’s story highlights that child behaviour and progress are deeply influenced by the emotional climate of the home.

• Emotional Intelligence: Jackson is learning to identify his feelings. He recently told his mum, "I am angry!" instead of hitting her—a huge milestone.
• Parental Confidence: His parents feel empowered. They no longer fear the tantrums because they have a toolkit of strategies to handle them.
• Family Harmony: The household is no longer defined by conflict. There is space for joy, connection, and enjoying the new baby.

80 %

reduction in daily tantrum frequency

0

incidents of biting/hitting in the last month

100 %

success in independent bedtime settling

Conclusion

Toddler tantrums are a normal part of development, but they don't have to rule your life. Jackson’s journey proves that with patience, understanding, and the right behaviour therapy for children, you can guide your child from chaos to calm.

If you are struggling with an angry child or frequent meltdowns, you don't have to navigate it alone. Positive behaviour support can provide the roadmap you need.

Ready to bring peace back to your home?
Contact daar today to schedule a consultation and discover how our evidence-based strategies can support your family.