Noah (Name changed for privacy) is a bright, articulate boy who loves building complex Lego structures and playing soccer. He lives with his parents and older brother. While generally affectionate, Noah has always had "big feelings." As he entered primary school, these feelings began to manifest as intense anger.
Presenting Issues:
- Explosive Outbursts: Sudden, intense episodes of yelling, throwing objects, and slamming doors when things didn't go his way (e.g., losing a game, being asked to stop playing).
- Physical Aggression: Occasional hitting or kicking of his parents during a meltdown.
- Negative Self-Talk: After an outburst, Noah would often cry and say things like, "I'm a bad kid" or "Nobody likes me."
The Challenge
Noah’s parents described their home life as "walking on eggshells." They were constantly trying to avoid triggering an explosion, which meant giving in to demands or avoiding necessary boundaries.
Impact at Home & School:
- At Home: The family dynamic was strained. Noah’s brother began to withdraw to his room to avoid the conflict. His parents felt exhausted and helpless, unsure of how to discipline him without causing a meltdown.
- At School: While Noah held it together in the classroom, the effort to mask his emotions all day led to the "after-school restraint collapse"—massive tantrums the moment he got into the car.
- Social Impact: Noah was starting to lose friends because he would yell or quit the game if he was losing, leading to isolation on the Playground.
We used to be afraid of Noah's anger. Now, we have a language for it. When he says, 'Mum, I'm at a 4,' we know exactly what to do. The fear is gone, and we have our happy boy back.
daar Therapy Approach
Noah’s family engaged daar for support. Our team recognized that Noah’s anger was the "tip of the iceberg"—a sign of unmet needs and a lack of emotional regulation skills. We implemented a positive behaviour support plan focused on the "Volcano" metaphor.
Key Interventions Implemented:
- The Volcano Scale: We taught Noah to rate his anger from 1 (Calm) to 5 (Explosion). This helped him identify the physical signs of anger (clenched fists, hot face) before he reached a 5.
- Co-Regulation Strategies: We coached his parents to remain calm during an outburst. Instead of yelling back, they used low, slow voices and validated his feelings ("I can see you are furious right now") while holding the boundary ("But I cannot let you throw the controller").
- The "Calm Down Kit": We created a physical box with sensory tools (stress balls, noise-canceling headphones, a weighted lap pad) that Noah could access when he felt his "lava rising."
- Socialised Behaviour Therapy: In sessions, we role-played losing games. We practiced saying, "Good game," even when disappointed, helping him build resilience and sportsmanship.
- Repairing the Relationship: We taught Noah that making a mistake doesn't make him a "bad kid." We focused on the "repair" process—apologizing and cleaning up—to reduce his shame and negative self-talk.
Results and Progress
Over six months, Noah’s ability to recognize and regulate his emotions improved dramatically. The shift from reactive punishment to proactive support changed the entire family dynamic.
Measurable Improvements:
- Reduction in Outbursts: "Volcanic explosions" decreased from daily occurrences to once or twice a month.
- Improved Communication: Noah now verbally communicates his frustration ("I need a break") instead of throwing objects.
- Social Success: He has rejoined the soccer team and was recently awarded "Player of the Week" for good sportsmanship.
- Emotional Resilience: The after-school meltdowns have largely disappeared as Noah uses his "Calm Down Kit" to decompress after a long day.
Key Outcomes
Noah’s journey demonstrates that child behaviour and progress are possible when we look behind the anger to the struggling child underneath.
- Family Connection: The "walking on eggshells" feeling has lifted. The family can now enjoy outings and game nights without fear of a meltdown.
- Self-Esteem: Noah no longer calls himself a "bad kid." He understands that anger is a normal emotion, and he has the tools to manage it.
- Parental Empowerment: His parents feel confident in their ability to co-regulate and support him, rather than feeling controlled by his behaviour.
Conclusion
Anger in children is often a cry for help—a signal that they are overwhelmed and lack the skills to cope. Noah’s story shows that with patience, understanding, and the right behaviour therapy for children, peace can be restored.
If you are struggling with an angry child or frequent meltdowns, you don't have to face it alone. Positive behaviour support can provide the strategies you need to bring calm back to your home.
Ready to find your calm?
Contact daar today to schedule a consultation and learn how we can support your child’s emotional growth.